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Lesser Known Presidents

by Adam Tressler

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1.
A little old woman in a puffy dress She lives on in portraits and paragraphs But you should know Martha, She was more than just the first First Lady that there ever was She had all of her babies before she met George She left a good impression on everyone she met She was always by the side of Mister Washington But she burned every letter that he ever sent She left nothing behind for the historians Photographic images did not exist yet Do me a favor, when you picture her, Don’t think of the elderly Imagine a young girl, light on her feet, In a different century Do me a favor when you think of her Don’t think of her at 63 She was a young girl, pretty and sweet Before she turned to history
2.
if absence makes the heart grow i’m running out of room my soul burns for you but i’ve got work to do an ocean in between us a message in a bottle tossed in the blue I hope this one gets through by the candlelight Jonathan found time to send off a letter to home At least she’ll have something to hold the snowball will grow as it rolls picking up speed, gathering force the snowball will grow as it rolls every word we pass now belongs to history copied down in the books twelve hundred back and forth By the fireside Abigail found time to send off a letter to John something for him to hold on to the snowball will grow as it rolls picking up speed, gathering force the snowball will grow as it rolls picking up speed, gathering force the snowball will grow as it rolls
3.
looking out from the 20 dollar bill a general from tennesee he was kind of an asshole a man of the people when the people were worse he looked down on his equals, he took revenge on them met them on the dueling ground he was kind of an asshole with bullets in his chest and skeletons in the closet the hero of new orleans always hit his target a paranoid little boy for almost 80 years and don't forget the trail of tears he was kind of an asshole he was kind of an asshole
4.
somethin about matty van struck a chord with the everyman sideburns, small frame he had a lot of nicknames that don’t prove a thing The little magician a mistletoe politician old kinderhook I guess he was OK OK, he had a lot of nicknames but that don’t prove a thing there's something about matty van a ginger with a balding head it was a different time, the past is a different place he had a lot of nicknames that don’t prove a thing They call him King Matty Van The American Tallyrand the red fox, the enchanter i could go on all day but that don't prove a thing he had a lot of nicknames that don’t prove a thing
5.
Born in the winter of 73 Third down the line in the family A young man carrying an old book, written in Greek Made friends without making enemies He gave a long speech in the cold rain He rode a white horse in the parade Everyone got a handshake For thirty one days He lived a long life, had a good wife, had kids of his own Nine that lived to be full grown He carried the banner, he was born to lead Led his army to a victory A general and a fighter A gentleman and a father He fell when he couldn’t go higher After thirty one days He was just getting started When he joined the dearly departed It seems that history forgot him After thirty one days Spoke his last words with his last breath A sense of satisfaction right before He passed away After thirty one days His grandson got the same job William Henry would have been proud But he never found out, After thirty one days The last words of a man who fought in three wars: “I ask for nothing more” – William Henry Harrison, April 4, 1841
6.
he didn’t expect to be the President so soon he was the 10th one, our first accidental ruler he had fifteen kids and his Grandson still lives in the same house his Grandfather did John Tyler married Letitia and they had 8 kids 5 daughters and 3 sons before he was President the family moved to the White House, and Mom got sick she passed away and he didn’t wait to shack up with someone else He didn’t expect to fall back in love so soon when he met her, his new girl was 22 he had 15 kids and his Grandson still lives in that same house his Grandfather did the President married Julia, a woman of privilege they had 2 more girls and 5 more boys right up until the very end of his life there was: David, John, Julia, Lachlan, Lyon and Robert and Pearl he didn’t expect to be the president so soon When he left us his family tree has set down roots he had fifteen kids and his grandson still lives in the same house his grandfather did Just let that sink in: HIS GRANDSON STILL LIVES IN THE SAME HOUSE HIS GRANDFATHER DID
7.
JP only wanted 4 years he made that much clear and JP wanted 4 things He met every goal but it really took it’s toll And he added wanted California Set the border up in Oregon got the money flowing and kept the taxes down he was really on a roll and it really took it’s toll one by one he checked em off and he won a war but war takes a toll He went home exhausted He had a very short retirement 103 days and then he passed away at 53 he really gave it all and it really took it’s toll James Polk really gave it all and it really took it’s toll
8.
Taylor and Fillmore couldn’t stop the war They never even really tried two of the lesser known presidents didn’t pass the test of time both major figures at the time two years into a four year term Old Zachary Taylor died Old Rough and Ready ate a poisoned cherry and it killed him at sixty five Millard was a filler but he wasn’t the killer everybody called him Vice Taylor and Fillmore nobody cares for names we don’t recognize all of the lesser known presidents Were major players in their time But nothing really got accomplished They just passed the problem down the line Old Rough and Ready ate a poisoned cherry and it killed him at sixty five Millard was a filler but he wasn’t the killer Now they didn’t call him vice all of the lesser known presidents led pretty colorful lives It’s a shame we’ve forgotten them They didn’t pass the test of time
9.
it’s really quite sad Franklin knew how to make friends he had a delicate wife, they were difficult times he was out of his depth, in over his head it’s really quite sad Right before he took the oath he took a train the 14th President, his little boy, his lady Jane they were in a horrible crash their only son died in their hands they never really recovered from that it’s really quite sad four years later they went home he was a failure, she was broken down jane still wore a black dress, franklin drank himself to death it’s really quite sad really quite sad
10.
Buchanan, born in Pennsylvania He was the last dud, just before the great one Won’t find his portrait in the hall of fame Wasn’t much to celebrate But He thought that time would clear his name Buchanan, let the country fall apart And he stood there, waited for a war to start James did not think that Lincoln would be strong History would prove him wrong The day before he died, he claimed James claimed “history will vindicate my memory” No, it won’t. Buchanan died in Pennsylvania He was the last dud just before the great one
11.
Should been the best day the best day of his whole life The halls were packed so they could pass the prize Granted, he was nervous, So he took a little hair from the dog that bit him. Can you blame him? He knocked em back one two three Three whiskeys on the way out Andrew johnson stood to speak Three whiskeys on the way out They tried to wrap it up but he waved them off Pulling at his coat, begging him to stop He rambled for fifteen minutes, you could hear crickets It was just beyond belief Three whiskeys on the way out And he knocked em back one two three Three whiskeys on the way out Should been the best day the best day of his whole life He wasn’t in command, but he was next line A man with a purpose What if something happens to Mister Lincoln He became the President after 6 weeks Three whiskeys on the way out He knocked em back one two three Three whiskeys on the way out
12.
Hayes, it’s time to celebrate Break out the lemonade Have you heard what the people say “Around here, the water flows like wine Around here the water flows like wine Hayes, these are sobering days indeed Your old lady took the blame Lucy, she poured the lemonade We gotta keep the white house dry To please your wife Around here the water flows like wine Around here the water flows like wine Hayes, do you always play safe? What’s the harm in a little taste? Around here the water flows like wine
13.
I grew up near a sign that read “This marks the spot where a President was born and raised” My only claim to fame A landscape James would not recognize The dirt paths are covered in painted lines There’s a parking lot by a cabin in the woods As for me, I must have walked past the same oak trees Back then they had fewer rings So much else has changed Some things are the same Legend has it they were so poor He did not own shoes until he turned four In the past this was a different place A man of science, an optimist, In a time when this was the wilderness Now the rolling hills hide mansions behind gates As for me, I must have skipped rocks on the same creek Back then the water was safe to drink So much else has changed Some things are the same He left town at twenty eight It’s a big world out there and it’s getting late He had dreamt of this in the quiet of the night Like it was written in the stars As for me, I found myself under that same sky Back then ohio had darker nights The stars are out of reach But it doesn’t hurt to dream But be careful what you don’t wish for You just might get it
14.
Someone’s got to be last When a list is made, I’m sorry, but someone’s got to be last If you look at the ranking of the presidency you will see President Warren G at the bottom. 45 and counting But honestly Mister Harding you had hardly done a thing for our democracy when you passed the crown So I’m sorry, someone’s got to be last When a list is made, I’m sorry, someone’s to to be last You did alright for almost your whole life but then at the finish line you took a train and your heart gave out You chose to stand with your head in the sand while some corrupted men took your legacy and dragged it through the ground If you look at the ranking of the presidency you will presently see Warren G at the bottom. 45 and counting So I’m sorry, someone’s got to be last When a list is made, I’m sorry, someone’s to to be last
15.
it woudn’t be right not to mention herbert hoover he came along at the wrong place and time he doesn’t compare but he wasn’t just a loser he had already done his part for us but we forget that now we forget that now would i be remiss if i didn’t mention coolidge? he played it cool, he did the job just fine he passed the baton to a man named herbert hoover he became the face of everything that went wrong it happened on his watch but it was not his fault it’s up to us to decide how the leader is judged don’t forget that now don’t forget that now

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released February 20, 2017

mixed/mastered by John Spiker
cover design by Jessalyn Brooks

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Adam Tressler Los Angeles, California

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